This practice note aims to share key messages to support kinship professionals who are carrying out life story approaches with children in kinship care or to help assist kinship carers in talking to the children they are caring for about their past, present, and future.
Before undertaking any life story approach with kinship families, it is important to recognise kinship care though a ‘kinship-informed’ lens. This recognises that kinship care is a specific family arrangement in its own right. It is neither parental care, foster care nor adoption that needs considered approaches that are unique to the needs of that kinship family. Shuttleworth’s (2023) research into children’s views of kinship care found that “kinship care is a specific scenario that requires specific recognition, knowledge, and support … The children recommended that support should not be shaped to a particular homogenized view of kinship care but rather be centred on specific circumstances. (p168) informed by their voice and needs.
It is also important to recognise that life story approaches with kinship families can be particularly difficult, not only for the child but for the kinship carer given they could be revisiting painful memories of family breakdown or conflict. This is unique to kinship and is not something that foster carers or adopters have to consider as they are usually not related or involved with the birth family. The Promise (2020) recognised this. “Support must recognise the particular challenges that can exist for kinship carers. There must be a recognition that kinship carers may be caring for deeply traumatised children and that they may experience their own pain at the consequences of family breakdown.”
Children in kinship care need explanations about why they are no longer living with their mum or dad, that they have a sense of what happened to them, who they are, and have important memories documented throughout their lives. In a recent study in (2021) undertaken by Family Rights Group, only 10% of kinship carers had access to life story work for their child. There are many life story training resources, books and supports which are targeted at children living in fostering or adoptive families rather than considering that these approaches are also needed in a kinship context. It is important to acknowledge that children placed in kinship care have mostly experienced the same loss, abuse, and trauma as those who live with foster carers or adoptive families. Yet the support provided for these children to understand what has happened to them is rarely offered or available.
The use of language is also important to consider as many children may not be aware they live in ‘kinship care’ let alone a ‘formal’ or ‘informal’ arrangement ‘looked after’ nor ‘non-looked after’ but simply know they live with their family carer. Practitioners should try to ensure that they do not make children feel they are ‘different’ or ‘in care’ by using such terms as placement, accommodation, and life story work. “Changing how social workers and policymakers speak about kinship care can change how we think about family and childhood. This helps us think about such family arrangements more compassionately and displays recognition when talking to those being supported.” (Shuttleworth. P, 2023 p.169)
Many kinship carers have shared concerns about having difficult conversations through fear that telling children the truth may affect relationships, the child’s behaviour or they wish to protect the child and themselves from emotional distress or re-traumatization.
Many carers have little or no support from professionals and may provide the child with a sanitised version of their story or decide not to discuss it at all with the child. Many carers go on to give explanations that may further confuse children rather than giving them the facts of the situation. However, the risk is that the child is left to draw their own conclusions and may internalise blame or the child may seek out information elsewhere which often throws up more challenges for children as the child may not actually be told factually correct information. Banes (2008) considers the impact of untold stories on care-experienced children, the use of over-sanitised language, and the impact on children of not being honest and upfront with them about their lives and providing explanations of why decisions have been made about them. Therefore, a more focused effort must be made by professionals either directly or indirectly to support kinship carers in providing a clear narrative to children.
Also, from a rights perspective, children have a right to know their own information and life story. When they reach 18 years old, they will also have the right to request their information and social work records. Many care-experienced adults make requests to access their files in order to try to make sense of and understand what has happened to them or try to trace family members. Records can contain information about their parents and or carer and this could lead to redaction of information that can then be limited and confusing. Having separate records for parents, kinship carers and children is good practice. Practitioners should be mindful when writing reports and case notes about children in kinship care understanding that they may access the notes to help them make sense of their life journey. Therefore, the notes and reports need to be separate, informative as well as sensitive to the adult who will be reading these in the future.
The terms ‘life story approaches’ or ‘life journey’ rather than ‘life story work’ are used to distinguish from that which is traditionally carried out by a professional directly with a child. A life story approach can be carried out by the kinship carer with indirect support from a professional, it may not follow strict sessions and may be considered more as a journey rather than a one-off event; something that evolves and can be revisited at different ages and stages of life. Using a mix of many different approaches listed below may be more relevant to kinship care given every kinship family has a unique situation.
Most carers will need emotional support through this process mainly because of the emotional strain of family breakdown or bereavement as this is often a feature in kinship care. There is usually a high level of contact with birth parents or siblings so there can be other relationships to consider and is really important to have birth parents involved in the process if this is possible.
Richard Rose developed a life story therapy approach that involves the child and their carer and is being used by many professionals. Rose explains that “this approach provides the opportunity for children to explore their history and the wider history of their family …. with their carer so that both can develop their knowledge of each other and begin to understand their behaviours, feelings and cognitive processes that manifest themselves” (Rose. R 2012 Life story work with traumatised children). Rose has also developed the ‘ALL ABOUT ME’ booklet which can be downloaded for free and is simple and easy to use with children of all ages. This booklet is a great way of preserving memories for a child in any setting. Training – Therapeutic Life Story Work International (TLSWi)
Rees (2009) developed an approach that begins life stories in the here and now, engaging the child in a child-focused and age-appropriate way that raises the child’s confidence whilst providing information about their life. This is relevant to kinship as often children are placed with kinship carers in a crisis therefore focusing on the here and now as a starting point is more relevant.
The new life work model developed by Nichols (2005) is divided into 12 sections: this model is particularly relevant to kinship as it directly involves birth parents and includes messages from them to the child. It also recognises the relationship between the social worker and the child who may have been in the child’s life for many years.
Usually, the purpose of completing life story in kinship care is not to prepare the child for moving on or permanence but rather to address or re-visit with the child why they live with their carer and why they cannot live with their parents. This is often explained to children when they are moving to kinship care which we know can be a traumatic time. Children may have been told minimal explanations or differing explanations shared by the adults around them. They may need specific factual information and confirmation or ask questions that adults may not always see as important. For example, not being able to keep a pet or see friends. Sometimes carers and professionals can become over-focused on parental relations and fail to consider the other important people or aspects of a child’s life that can equally cause loss and grief to a child. It is clear that children want detailed explanations from the adults who care for them, and it is important in kinship that carers, parents, and professionals support children by giving them explanations in a way that helps them process their own individual life story.
Some carers will benefit from support with the use of language to have these difficult conversations, and whilst others will prefer professionals to talk directly to the child about why they live with their carer or why they cannot return to their parents’ care. “Children are likely to need help in understanding and coming to terms with their situation and the events which led to them being in kinship care. While this may be achieved by supporting and advising carers, some children may also need life story work to be done by professionals or in conjunction with professionals.” (Hunt, 2020. p.91)
One of the purposes of life story work includes the need to preserve memories. This is something that is usually done universally with all children. However, as The Promise (2020) has highlighted, often children leave care without these precious memories preserved.
There are many useful resources to support this work, including personalised memory boxes, books, or photo books. These photographs, drawings, or pieces of clothing must be kept safe for the child to access later or throughout their childhood. Preserving memories for children encourages feelings of self-worth and belonging and the re-assurance that they are important. However, purchasing these can be expensive and in particular kinship carers may need financial support to have the necessary materials.
Another purpose of using life story approaches with kinship families is to reconnect with siblings or to understand who the child sees as important to them or wishes to stay connected to. Often in kinship care, children can be separated from brothers and sisters and may have a completely different care arrangement such as living with birth parents, in foster or residential care, adopted, or living independently. Children must know who their siblings are and the reason they have different plans or care arrangements as this could cause additional trauma in later life once discovered. “It is important that work is undertaken with children so that they achieve a developmentally appropriate understanding of key decisions taken and plans made for them and their siblings. In the years ahead children need to be able to develop a coherent narrative” (Beckett, S 2021. p87 Beyond together and Apart Planning for, assessing and placing sibling groups CoramBAAF)
The purpose may also be to support a child in kinship through a particular transition. This may be changing school, moving back home, moving house, or moving from foster care or to adoption. In some cases, children may not stay with a kinship carer and may transition into a permanent foster family or move on to adoption. AFKA Scotland has produced a staying connected toolkit which has a range of materials on supporting children in kinship who are transitioning to a permanent placement. Staying Connected Toolkit: Association for Fostering, Kinship & Adoption Scotland (afkascotland.org)
Staying Connected Toolkit: Association for Fostering, Kinship & Adoption Scotland (afkascotland.org)
Anne Currie, Kinship Care Consultant
September 2023
